Don't know what to say. I am one year out from all my treatments and doing very well - no signs of active disease! I am grateful and take one day at a time, trying to give myself more time to relax and just be. Still trying to figure out life and what it all means, but I know that is common for all of us. I continue to try to take better care of myself (good food, exercise, down time). I will keep moving forward!

Well, Here I am Today

I am here today and that is a good thing. I have created this blog to give me access to another individual's blog who is beginning to go through chemotherapy for cancer. Interesting how my "shyness" in sharing my inner thoughts takes a back seat to maybe helping or supporting another. But cancer treatment requires that of any one who goes through it - any one who goes through the fears, unknowns, lack of control, physical sickness or emotional roller coaster of cancer knows that by reaching out to others on the same journey you actually receive the support you so need. I have several new treasured friends who I have met on this journey - all with various kinds of cancer at various stages. I met these dear friends at a cancer survivor group I attend every Tuesday - what a wonderful and strong group of women and men! We are all part of an unknown drama. It is a strange play to be a part of - no way did I think I would be called to be a member of the cancer cast.

My journey with cancer began in August 2007. I had been feeling very tired for a few months - the kind of tired that once you step in the front door after a day at work you crawl upstairs to take a nap and become tearful if one more request is made of you that day. I had a swollen lymph node in my right upper leg for a couple of months but was told by a physician's assistant twice that it was nothing (once it was an infection and the other time I was just anxious and needed valium). I happened to take my daughter Camille in to the doctor's one day for something I can't remember and I asked our family doctor to look at the lymph node. Well, immediately I was in an ultrasound, then CAT scan, then a biopsy and then the diagnosis = NonHodgkins Lymphoma. The biopsy results were sent to Stanford University for analysis and a couple of weeks later I met with the oncologist, had a bone marrow biopsy and shortly after that started chemotherapy. It is still foreign to me - even after I have completed six months of treatment (radiation followed chemo).

I have had one PET scan since treatment in March 2008 - all was clear then. I have another PETscan next week and I am now very anxious. What will it show? Will it be clear again - oh I hope so. That is another part of cancer that is difficult. You fear with every ache and pain and every feeling of nausea that things are growing silently and that you will be back in treatment and back fighting for your life. I will let you all know how I do in a couple of weeks. All fingers and toes are crossed.